So here we are. My first blog post on this site, and the first one I have ever written in English. Yes, I have blogged before. In my mother tongue, German. But I strive to be inclusive. And I  may also be a bit overly optimistic that someone outside of Austria will actually pay attention to my ramblings. Since this will be a somewhat introductory post, I thought I’ll start with exploring how I became an artist – a path that is by no means completed. 

I have always loved to draw. As a child, I spent hours on end sitting at my tiny desk doodling away. But honestly, who doesn’t? Yet, being an introvert, I might have taken these drawing sessions up a notch. And while other kids went outside to play with their friends, I kept to myself obsessively penciling in my room. And I kept this hobby alive during my teenage years and well into my twenties. 

Even as a child I loved to draw animals – because I loved animals. When asked, I would explain that I wanted to become a veterinarian one day. That being an artist would be an option didn’t even cross my mind until I hit adolescence, but I would dream about it from then on. And yet, I became neither a vet nor an artist (at first). Because for a long time I was terribly afraid of admission exams. I simply couldn’t get myself to even apply for any of these study programs because of my fear of being judged and failing the entry tests. So I studied biochemistry instead – which arguably can be seen as some crazy decision making on my part – and actually ended up with a masters degree in biochemistry. I was taking drawing and painting classes in my spare time –  until a questionable aha-moment happened. Early in my studies I took a botany class, which included a lot of specimen drawing. In short, we would make slices of plant tissue, put them under a light microscope, observe the appearing structures – from plant organelles to fungal networks – and simultaneously draw them. It was both the class I enjoyed most and the one that wrecked me the most during all my years at uni. Because one day, while I was innocently doodling away at my microscope, the professor took me aside (in front of all my colleagues) and openly told me that I obviously was an artist at heart and that I didn’t have what it takes to be a scientist. A key moment in my life, that somehow managed to convince me a) that there was a fundamental divide between scientists and artists (take note all you science illustrators out there!) and b) that I had to double down on my science game and renounce my artistic traits and aspirations. And so I did. I put away all my pencils and brushes and focused on my fruitful future as a biochemist. (I still did some digital drawing, though – because I couldn’t keep away from art completely and I somehow convinced myself that this isn’t actual art making. Haha!) I became a scientist, in fact I was even told by one of the most dreaded professors at our uni that I was his best student; no one ever again openly questioned my qualifications. Yet, I never felt totally at home in the lab. Something was missing. At one point, after years of discontent, I decided to connect with my inner child, asking myself what I loved the most and what interest stayed with me unwavering until my then early thirties. Now you think: “Finally! That was the moment when she decided to be true to herself and become an animal illustrator!”  But no! That was the moment when I decided to become an animal scientist. I actually returned to university to earn another masters degree in Human-Animal Interactions. And yet, whenever I met someone who actually was a designer or illustrator my heart sank. There was a dark spot inside of me. A remorse. A sad feeling that whimpered and whispered: “This could be me!” 

After my second round of studying I became a publishing editor for science books. Because I couldn’t get myself to return to work in a lab. I worked on projects with science illustrators and designers and I peeked jealously over their shoulders and secretly stacked up my drawing equipment again. From the first lockdown on drawing once more became a full-on obsession. With a twist. I now know that I could be a scientist. Maybe even a good one. But I wouldn’t enjoy it a bit. In the end, you will only be your true and best self when doing what you love. I love drawing animals and I will make this a living. I might not have figured it all out yet, but I will. You are welcome to join me on my way. And if you want me to draw your furry friend – even better!